The "To hell with Mario Batali" perfect vegetarian pasta recipe

Sure, tubby old Mario Batali may strut around, touting the wonderfulness of his pasta, but, bah, I say! Because I have the perfect pasta recipe. And it is easy, delicious, and amazing.

And you don't even need a machine.

So there, Mario!

Perfect parsley pasta recipe
Here’s the pasta recipe I used. The secret (which isn’t so secret) is the parsley which gives the pasta pretty green flecks. It looks wonderful on the plate and was ridiculously easy to do (so there, again, Mario Batali!).

8 ounces flour
2 eggs
1 - 2 teaspoons salt
2 teaspoons olive oil
1/2 bunch of fresh parsley, finely minced
water, as needed

Make a mountain out of about half the flour. Make an indentation at the top of your mountain. Put your eggs, salt, parsley, and olive oil in your indentation. Using a fork, mix your egg mixture, dragging more and more flour into that indentation and adding flour, as needed (I pretty much used all the flour). When your dough starts to get too stiff for the fork, get in there with your hands and knead. If your dough is getting too stiff (and mine did), add a tiny drizzle of water (I stuck my hand in the water bowl and just shook it over the flour). Knead until it is fairly well mixed and starts to fight you. Then put it in a plastic bag and leave it alone for ten minutes to relax.

Now, when you come back to your pasta (and it is no tragedy if you have to leave it longer), you can either knead it by hand or run it through the widest part of your pasta machine several times to knead, folding periodically so it will fit and dusting both it and the machine with flour so nothing sticks.

When it, again, starts to fight you, give it another time out. But, this time, leave it on the counter to dry out a bit. This will make the final stage a bit easier.

Back again and either start feeding it through smaller and smaller holes in your pasta machine, or roll it thinner and thinner with your rolling pin.

Remember to be liberal with your flour or you will stick to everything and have a nasty clean up job.

Nice thin dough? Then if you are using a machine, go ahead and cut it. If you are not using a machine, roll your dough (make sure it is well dusted with flour) and cut strips. Next, you have to hang your strips of dough to dry. I cut fettuccine and hung them on the handles of large wooden spoons resting on a stockpot. Whatever you do, give them about 30 minutes to dry out, if you have the time.

Cooking your perfect pasta
Now, and here’s the tricky part, you have to cook your dough (actually, you have to do this with all dough) in plenty of water (think 8:1; eight times as much water as you have pasta, at a minimum). And, with fresh pasta, you have to cook fast (I gave mine 90 seconds) or it will turn to mush.